Jun 26, 2006

Half-time 2006: Ifs & Buts

"If..." goes the old commentators' cliche, "is F1 spelled backwards". Not at the school I went to, it's not matey: that's just poor spelling, which tells you more about the parlous state of the education system and the calibre of F1 pundits than what a bitch Lady Luck can be when she's sat back watching the GP.

Still, as we sit here at something approximating half-time, it is one of those phrases that seems to make sense of a season of crushing predictability, random incident and fateful decision.

What would have happened if McLaren had a genuine combo of speed and reliability, rather than the general absence of either? What if Honda got their aero issues cleared up months back? Well, in truth, they'd probably still both be floundering in Renault's supreme wake, with only Ferrari probably looking like they'd made any comeback at all.

What if Aguri had a proper chassis back in March? Not much change there either: Ide still wouldn't know how to drive it, and Sato would probably just crash it a bit quicker. (Let's face it, he's only had such a 'clean' season because he's not going fast enough to have an accident...)

If Schumacher hadn't been sent to the back of the grid, would he have won in Monaco? Certainly not if I'd been a steward, because he wouldn't have even been taking part. But what if he had been able to park better than that old woman off the 'Driving School' programme? Would he have got away with it then?

Parking skills are something Fernando Alonso is likely to need to develop with his move to McLaren next year. Oh, and the patience of a saint if Raikkonen's 5 wasted seasons there are anything to go by. I wonder if he's regretting that decision just yet...

There are still lots of ifs surrounding the 2007 driver market, most of which rest on Michael Schumacher. Fisichella clearly hasn't been re-signed by Renault as their choice for first driver, and Maranello don't know if they'll have Schumi or Kimi (They surely won't have both).

Also, you have to assume that some 2007 decisions may also hinge on 2008, when Prodrive joins the grid. They're not going to be the bigger names of course, but this is chaos theory writ large, where everything affects everything else.

And there are still ifs surrounding the sport itself, despite the GPMA teams signing up for 2008. If Mad Max continues to mess with the future of engines and so-on, tossing grenades into the mix, then there's still plenty that could happen. Including manufacturers simply walking away from F1 forever.

Any ifs for the rest of this season? Well, probably plenty; but none likely to change the outcome of the Championship sadly. After anticipating a really close, competitive season, it's been quite a letdown. Let's just hope those ifs at can at least add a bit of excitement.

Jun 19, 2006

Fun, Fun, Fun...

Ron Dennis calling for more fun in F1 was bound to raise eyebrows. The boss of McLaren suggesting that the sport is too dull and serious is a hefty case of the pot calling the kettle... well, if not black, then certainly a very dull and sombre McLaren grey.

And who's right? Well, as usual, both sides and neither side. Yes the sport does need more to attract and intrigue bigger and younger audiences - that's so simple a point it should be obvious to all but the occasional bumpkin, village idiot and Max Mosley.

But how you actually bring fun to a sport without taking away the mystique could be a difficult question: a driver doesn't need a water pistol to look like a clown when he can just stomp down the pitlane and have an hilarious hissy-fit at Jacques Villeneuve on live TV.

At the same time, the sport can generally appear too aloof and full of itself - fans deserve to be closer to the action and to their heroes a lot of the time (which BMW Sauber is commendably trying to address with its special "F1-land travelling experience sideshow" thingy...)

Back in the seventies some drivers used to camp in the centre of tracks like Kyalami and have barbecues with the punters. Whether you'd want Kimi Raikkonen mumbling at you like Kenny from South Park over over some undercooked sausages is open to question, but then that's never going to be a possibility nowadays anyway.

Nonetheless, special and unique events to bring heroes and fans face to face are surely a good idea... and they're surely possible. This is F1 after all! Anything's possible! (Well anything apart from an emergency chicane at Indianapolis apparently, but I digress...)

Bernie's Mr Fixit isn't he? Why can't he go a bit Willy Wonka and organise for each race ticket to have a unique number on it, and get each race organiser to hold an "Evening with the Stars" to which all the grid are committed? (A couple of hours each GP Friday evening, say...)

All the hundred lucky winners get a special pitwalk and a reception with goodie bags and drinks, and get to meet the drivers, who also do onstage interviews with the press. Then maybe there's another special prize for just one of the hundred on top of that?

A Prize-Draw event isn't fun in the clowning-around sense, no... it's a thousand times better and it generates better feeling. If I want belly laughs I'll watch my "Best of Takuma Sato" DVD. But Ron Dennis seems to be confusing fun with true engagement.

With things like the Prize-Draw, people tell everyone they know, they post their photos online, they make other people want to have been there. Everyone wins. Keep it up, do more, build on it and you have a virtuous circle: something much longer lasting and less messy than a fight with silly-string.

Jun 12, 2006

New Teams, New Teammates

In Paul Simon's classic song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" one particularly imaginative and hurtful method that he didn't cover was telling your lover you're splitting up with them fifteen months in advance and then carrying on as if nothing's happened.

And yet that's basically what Fernando Alonso did to Flav and to Renault immediately after he delivered them both titles in a loved-up, landmark season: jumping ship to McLaren and causing no end of mayhem in the ongoing "Kimi to Ferrari?" saga.

Whilst you'd have thought that Ferdy's experience at Renault in 2006 might be a bit weird following such a shocking decision, that's really not happened at all: the team have resisted doing things like put drawing pins on his seat and carried on like the utter professionals they are.

Alonso too, has managed a serenely committed start to the season, and it's not surprising that it's over at McLaren - where things remain unclear and uncertain - that the atmosphere seems perpetually wretched and stressed.

Ron Dennis's problems are of his own making of course... who's staying: Kimi or JPM? Or neither??? You'd want to think that he's going to try and keep the Kimster and have himself another uber-pairing like that of Prost and Senna.

But it's worth bearing in mind that their relationship was self-destructive to the extent of taking each other out in Japan in 89. And combos of genius can end up even worse: witness the tragic loss of Gilles Villeneuve in pushing his competition with Didier Pironi beyond the limit in 1982.

It's unrealistic to expect complete harmony between team mates in such a highly ambitious sport but some combos do work pretty effectively, particularly when a certain level of difference in ability, stature and priority helps keep things ordered for both team and drivers.

And whilst gimp-like doormats actually end up making the team look stupid and taint the reputation and the achievements of the "star" driver - yes, we're talking Schumi and Rubens here - a solid first and second driver relationship is still great when it works.

So how can McLaren dispel the clouds of doubt and gossip and rumour; of sulk and counter-pout? Simple... Get it over with. Ron: decide! Kimi: decide! Talk to each other and talk to us. Get done with the lawyers and get on with the sport.

Raikkonen must still be wondering though, how Ron could possibly love someone else enough to spoil his singular role as the McLaren wonderboy (especially after giving them so much for so little reward). It's no wonder divorce lawyers are such busy people...

Jun 5, 2006

Ant Rant

I did actually promise myself that I wasn't going to write columns devoted to particular drivers. I promised my editor too, so I can probably expect to have a keyboard whacked across my face for trying to sneak this one through...

But please indulge me just this once, because it's crucial - it really is. So who is it that's so important they warrant this? Schumi? Ferdy? The Kimster? JV, DC or even our own Jenson Button? Nope. They have acres of print and screen devoted to their charmed careers. No - it's Anthony Davidson.

What I want to know is what Davidson has done in some previous life that's stopping him from being F1's next Great Briton? A man who often matched and frequently bettered Jenson Button and Dan Wheldon in karts should clearly not be where he is now.

In British F3 he partnered Takuma Sato throughout the 2001 season to come second in ever improving races and with obvious pace, persistence and a wily, ballsy penchant for overtaking. But since becoming Honda's 3rd driver, things have clearly drifted - not helped by the team effectively leaving him on the bench, Gil de Ferran bringing in Barrichello, and the team being reluctant even to let him do things like the Williams shoot-out test.

Davidson is known by many names: 'The Ant', 'Little Ant', 'Boy Friday', 'F1's Best Kept Secret' - and, quaintly, by a friend of mine as 'That Total Ginger Studmuffin'.
The Boy Friday moniker comes from his 3rd driver duties with Honda this current season, and in 2004, where his scorching sessions in both years sometimes led to lazy (and fundamentally wrong) notions that he was running on fumes. He also has a phenomenal reputation as a test driver.

His feedback to engineers in testing and developing cars is well renowned, as is his searing pace not only on short runs but over huge distances, week in week out. He has also had the very briefest of actual GP outings.
Nothing though, ever seems to give Ant enough kudos to have a decent team put him in a race seat; something not helped by his lack of absurd Buttonesque ego or PR presence. F1's Mr Nice Guy is sadly also F1's invisible man.

But, and I don't use the word lightly, Goddammit! Somebody give him a drive! At a time when even people like Ide (who simply couldn't drive an F1 car, let alone communicate with his team) manage to get seats and when apparent heavyweights (cunningly disguised as has-beens) like Barrichello can flap around so uselessly without getting sacked or punched, it's criminal that Ant isn't on the grid.

The burblings of a drive at Aguri in 2007 sound dangerously like a dead-end though: he deserves way better than that, and it's high time a top team manager came to their senses and put him in a race seat worthy of his considerable gifts and skills.

Rant over: Peace, out.