The Egos Have Landed

Over the past couple of years most F1 drivers appear to have been the subjects of highly successful charisma bypass surgery; being by and large unforgivably drab and giving precious little entertainment out of the car.

This year, however, looks like it could be excellent fun as a sudden rash of egos, tantrums, swearing, taunting and - dare I say it - personality, appears to have broken out.

A fine example is Michael Schumacher who, with all the self-awareness of someone who thinks the world revolves around him (but that it clearly doesn't do it well enough) is demanding that a bump be removed from the Melbourne circuit because he was clumsy enough to drive over it.

Schumi crashed because of this same "notorious" bump three years ago; suggesting that 1) he might be in some way aware of it and 2) he might want to avoid it. Like virtually every other driver managed to, in fact.

Then there's the $5000 fine for Scott Speed's swearing outburst in a stewards' hearing. Given that Giancarlo Fisichella didn't get fined a single Euro for announcing on live TV that his Renault was "F***ing S**t", Speed must have used some pretty fruity language indeed. I want a tape.

Someone else who can have very few toys left in his pram right now is Montoya, who lashed out at Kimi Raikkonen apparently for the simple reason that the Finn managed to whup his ass on the track by battling him for position and coming out on top. Strange...

Perhaps the most bizarre outburst so far this year though is from Moto GP star Valentino Rossi, who clearly believes he is living in 17th century France and has challenged Fernando Alonso to a duel.

Ferdy could probably be very good in a duelling situation, particularly if he grew that hilarious pointy chin-hair again and put on a big cloak. Sadly though this duel (possibly a hugely inspired PR stunt?) would only involve bikes and cars.

It's good to see some personality back in F1: it's easy for things to get lost under all those helmets and overalls, and livening up an already lively season with a wealth of ego-based idiocy has to be a great thing.

And what with the Speed versus DC row, and Liuzzi versus JV, there's every possibility that the race at San Marino could be spiced up by simply replacing it with an almighty punch-up and bitch-slapping session on the grid instead...